Monday, June 20, 2011

Strongest on your knees.

I write what I think, I write what I feel, It's what makes me me, it's what makes me real, at times I am discouraged, at moments I feel stuck, many times I think I'm understanding, multiple times I lack in good luck, but when I hit those bumps, when I get stuck still, I get weary and break down, falling into what I should have does first - kneel.

For many of you who know me, you know I love to write, and to be honest, it's been one of the healthiest ways I've been able to vent with everything going on in my life. As I was moving back to help family for the summer, I stumbled upon many notebooks, all almost FULL of poems, song lyrics, even funny playful white girl raps I've created. I've noticed that a majority of my writings, because I've written when feeling emotional (I hate that word) or Depressed, or frustrated, have been more on the "Deep" end. So for those who have read some of my things, let me just remind you I am a very happy person and have LOVED the life I have been given and livin' . I have been so extrememly blessed and have one of the best families, and some of the greatest friends ever.

This summer has just started but I was lucky enough to be back in B-e-a-UTIFUL Crescent City when it did. I came home to help my family, and have been enjoying it so far. There are days when I just plop down on my bed and realize it has been an unfamiliar item since the night before, and days where I finally end up not even removing my make up off all the way because I have used too much energy, but I don't regret it one bit. This last week I was able to witness one of the greatest moments in someones life, Casey, my younger and last sister, Graduated High school! it was such a terrific event and I am so very proud of her! my eyes got a little teary as I watched her walk proudly to the stage, receieve her Diploma and walk and wave to us with that excited smile! My tears were soon forgotten and away once my loud hilarious family and I started cheering for her loudly , receiving many looks and amused bystanders, but it was worth it.

After Casey's graduation I asked her what her plans were, "Cosmetology school to have a certificate in a trade, and to pay for college when I get a bachelors in another greater degree." Smart kid. my Oldest Niece Payton then turned to me and said "What do YOU want to be when you grow up Aunt Chelsey" I laughed and expained to her that I am already there, but I was still trying to figure it out. I've had desires to be many things, and have started school semesters and mulitpe classes in each one, but why was I still not jumping on the ball and finally just finishing one? what was it I needed to do or haven't been understanding? Then I got silent , and upset with myself. Those night I plop on the bed, or fall asleep with make up smudges on my face, were also the night I was falling asleep in the middle of praying, if even remembering to pray at all. Were/Are my prayers sincere enough? Am I listening for that voice or feeling or inspiration afterwards? This was another Wake up calls to myself and a rezlization that things could be a LOT easier for us if we REMEMBER TO PRAY, and do it with sincerity and a pure heart. I hope all of your summers are full with fun adventures, even the tough love- hard way of learning- type of one's. Aside from that, always remember how loved you are.

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